What happened to my sweet little girl?

Who stole my loving non-judgmental, open minded democratic child and replaced her with this narrow-minded judgmental tea party fanatic?? ? ?? ??
BACKGROUND: Amanda was her BEST FRIEND though Jr and Sr High School and the one who introduced her to to her Church, CFWC. Ironically CFWC is probably where she picked up this value system that is foreign to me.

....Granted Amanda has a LOT of issues... She has an eating disorder, she's a cutter, she dates guys that treat her like garbage (and this pattern started in Jr High). she seeks approval from these guys to the point she will break off plans long standing plans with her best friend to go and get treated like dirt by these guys once again. She is an unwed mother who is about to drop her second child of a different father.

Despite all this. Amanda graduated High school with Honors, has worked 2 jobs since High school and is going to community college, although she dropped to one job and school with the second pregnancy. She was active at CFWC until the second pregnancy, a Praise & Worship team member until the first pregnancy and SHE IS A GOOD MOTHER who loves her child with all her heart.

With all that said:

1:57pm Deb are you dating a non vegetarian?
1:57pm Sabrina no no one of interest either i'm just wasting away my fertile years in the pursuit of education
1:58pm Deb I think you have a few fertile years left in you! Speaking of fertile.... what ever happened to AMANDA?
1:59pm Sabrina idk not my problem i can't handle that girl i saw her in church a couple of weeks back w/ protruding abdomen then i heard she's giving this one up for adoption guess that way she won't be too bogged down and can keep having sex
2:00pm Deb that is not a bad thing
2:00pm Sabrina i know
2:00pm Deb the adoption I mean
2:00pm Sabrina it's what is best for the baby
2:02pm Deb she probably needs her friends now
2:03pm Deb after loving one baby giving another one away is going to be hard even if it is the best decision
2:04pm Sabrina you have to be a friend to have friends
2:08pm Deb WWJD? it is really very simple
2:12pm Sabrina being a christian doesn't mean i get to get walked all over
2:14pm Sabrina jesus also said And if any place will not welcome you or listen to you, shake the dust off your feet when you leave, as a testimony against them."
2:14pm Deb that does NOT apply to this situation that is one of those scriptures that twisted and used to abuse people
2:15pm Sabrina Gee really because she won't listen to my words and they're biblical and paul said
2:17pm Sabrina well i cant remember where, but he talks about departing from those who don't want to follow God's word and know what is truth
2:18pm Deb your preaching INTOLERANCE and that is NOT a testimony to Christ's love
2:20pm Deb perhaps then all of CFWC should just shun her then? lock the doors as she approaches?
2:20pm Sabrina mother, you don't even know what the CRAP i've put up with! anything i say or do will fall on deaf ears
2:20pm Deb well I know all you told me which is a lot
2:20pm Sabrina she's going to have to figure it out for herself
2:21pm Deb I digress: perhaps then all of CFWC should just shun her and lock the doors as she approaches?
2:23pm Deb what about the parable of the lost sheep or the prodigal son?? ??
2:24pm Sabrina i don't think the lost sheep knew he was lost! the prodigal son came BACK on his own then the father greeted him!
2:24pm Deb and she was in Church what about Saving Grace? isn't it all about saving Grace? those who fall under the lofty steeples
2:26pm Sabrina you know what mom how about you go be her friend then!
2:26pm Deb "lofty steeples" that is two casting Crowns lyric verses combined
2:26pm Sabrina when she's ready fine until then i'm not going to be her doormat
2:27pm Deb you know what Sabrina, if she came to my door I would be her friend and I have sent her messages on AIM
2:30pm Sabrina well good for you

Then she changed the subject... That is what happens when Sabrina does not want to go where she is not comfortable she either goes basaltic or changes the subject...

I JUST DON"T GET HER ATTITUDE!!!!! Her feeling she has the RIGHT to JUDGE and SHUN this girl!!!

The following Casting Crown lyric is ringing in my ear:

She is running
A hundred miles an hour in the wrong direction
She is trying
But the canyon's ever widening
In the depths of her cold heart
So she sets out on another misadventure just to find
She's another two years older
And she's three more steps behind

Does anybody hear her? Can anybody see?
Or does anybody even knows she's going down today
Under the shadow of our steeple
With all the lost and lonely people
Searching for the hope that's tucked away in you and me
Does anybody hear her? Can anybody see?

She is yearning
For shelter and affection
That she never found at home
She is searching
For a hero to ride in
To ride in and save the day
And in walks her prince charming
And he knows just what to say
Momentary lapse of reason
And she gives herself away

If judgment looms under every steeple
If lofty glances from lofty people
Can't see past her scarlet letter
And we never even met her

He is running
A hundred miles an hour in the wrong direction

and from Point of Grace:
She had her father's blue eyes
He left home before she arrived
Mama named her Grace
Just getting by on their own
When Grace was 15 she ran from home
One December day Grace is lost and alone in a world as cold as stone
God is counting on us to reach her with His love

It's all about saving grace
All about living love
Being Jesus to those he came to save
Sharing life and giving our own away
It's all about serving God
All about saving Grace

She'd never darken the door of any church
She would say, "what for... No one there would care for me"
We have to go where she lives
Simply show her who Jesus is
Watch Him set her free
For grace flows down from above and faith requires a selfless love
For a world that's dying to see the hope in you in me

It's all about saving grace
All about living love
Being Jesus to those he came to save
Sharing life and giving our own away
It's all about serving God
All about saving Grace

There are countless millions just like Grace
Who need a merciful embrace
They won't believe our God is real
Until they feel his touch
It's all about saving grace
All about living love
Being Jesus to those he came to save
Sharing life and giving our own away
It's all about serving God
All about saving Grace
Aren't we supposed to be holding each other up loving and supporting each other?? ?? Where did this JUDGMENT, CONDEMNATION and SHUNNING come from? What I know is she didn't get it from me, my husband or her father.

Obamacare, a brief thought

I hear so much fear mongering about how the higher income people are going to be paying more taxes as I have a LOT of conservative Republican friends on Facebook who are all up in arms over this. PLEASE NOTE: The people who will be paying more taxes are those with an income above $250,000 a year. Now I am not their book keeper, but I honestly do not believe I have anyone on my Facebook Friends list other than Barack Obama himself, who has an annual income above $250,000.

Stay out of my way........

yesterday 
WTF 2 trips to the desk and 2 calls to the ISP and at 3:30pm we have internet for the first time today

WTF  then at 5:30 we plow a fuse and have no power..... another trip to the desk

WTF Then at 7:30 hubby wants me to make popcorn (we brought our air popper but we have no bowl) So I think of the cheap ass paper ice buckets that are useless for ice because the bag in them sweats and the cheap ass paper ice bucket falls apart...
So back to the desk I go. The desk clerk has no cheap ass paper ice buckets told me I should have gotten one from housekeeping (who of course are gone for the day) like this is MY fault or something. She hands me the "ice bag" which is a cheap ass clear plastic bag. Mind you our room is the furthest from both the ice machine and the office. So if I filled this "ice bag" with ice and didn't have the cheap ass paper ice bucket to support it for the journey and walked all the way back to our room I would be dropping ice cubes like the bread crumbs Hansel dropped in the fairy tale Hansel and Gretel.....
As I walked away the desk clerk said, "Well you don't have to look so disappointed, it's not my fault" OMG

and how am I today???? Oh I don't know.... perhaps I'll be CRAMPY and BITCHY  ....Remember that case of killer sniffles hubby had earlier in the week? Well it seems he did in the last 20 or so Aleve as this morning when we were straightening up he asked me if I wanted the bottle (just the bottle... the pills were GONE)  OMG Like I need an EMPTY freaking bottle. *eye roll*

What's worse is we don't get paid until Tuesday and Aunt Flow decided she is visiting this weekend......
AND IF THAT IS NOT ENOUGH...
If that is not enough, hubby woke me at 7am and made the comment on my getting my my free cup of Starbucks today (*free cup for free empty bag of store bought Starbucks grounds) Now it is NOON he is taking his SECOND morning nap and we have gone nowhere.

 ah well I guess I was supposed to be here. I found the motel housekeeper is in tears... I just looked up domestic violence resources and a hotline for her, as I don't want to begin to guess how Indiana law works in these situations.  

I am really not sleeping well... for 4 months we slept on twin mattresses pushed together on the floor and now a queen sized bed seems cramped and like an amusement ride whenever hubby moves, LOL.



We unloaded the van into a 5x15 (smallest available) storage locker across the street because it was easy to find and across from the Motel. 3pm Sat is not a good time to start searching for such things when you are packed in a van and all you have is your eyes, a GPS and a cell phone as search tools. We really wanted a 5x5 but there was no guarantee we'd find a smaller one anyway or that they'd still be open. Anyway our stuff is a "dog walk" away, LOL. I also found 2 fairly local free-cycle groups and joined up. I need to find out which local paper has good job classifieds because the one we picked up yesterday only had a dozen jobs, LOL. I have joined Monster.com and looked into a few other online resources as well. I also got all my plug-ins (about 90) installed into my PSP-X3 a few won't work with a 64 bit computer and/or are not Windows 7 compatible so we shall see what works.


I went and got my bag of coffee and saw the girls mom going into the store as I was coming out (she didn't see me) but still I wondered if this town is big enough for the both of us, LOL. I also hit Family Dollar for liquid hand soap, Dawn, a dish wand, and dish pan. I was in both places Sunday but I am not used to shopping with 2 yapping teenage girls so I forgot the IMPORTANT stuff.... LOL.


Amber was having a "funk day" yesterday but Jordan made it clear she still wanted to come and hang out. So much for all those stories about how Jordan HATES us and has no memories of her previous visits with us.... all lies. Amber has more issues than "Carter has pills" but none of them are with US. Amber may have faked the "funk day" to prove that her mother made up all the crap about Jordan's "issues". I know she has told her dad a hundred times that it is all crap. She is sneaky like that. When will divorced parents realize that trying to make a child hate the other parent hurts the child more than the other parent????? I would LOVE to lock this woman in a room with Dr Phil!!!!!

Anyway, Jordan stayed for dinner and played computer games with dad on the big screen TV until it was time for 24.

We keep screwing up and missing TV shows as most are an hour earlier in Central Time. I love 24 but fell asleep, LOL. Now I am awake and all that is on is infomercials (at least on this channel). The local digital TV is better than the motel cable so we got another digital antenna (we gave the other one to our friends in Mich as theirs didn't pick up as much).

The friends middle son (19yrs) from Mich text me yesterday and asked if we made it to Indiana, DUH, so I text him back and said we got lost and ended up in Mexico. He wanted pictures so I googled some and took pictures of things on my monitor with my cell phone. Like the welcome to Mexico sign in Spanish...I know, I know, I need to stop having battle of whits with unarmed people... but Jordan found it funny too.

update on OUR life-


After 4 months in Michigan, Saturday with all we own in our minivan we hit the road early and were Indiana bound. We stopped for breakfast in Flint and to try and get the lower sale price the GPSs at Best Buy but we found out they were the models without the traffic reports that were in sale for $20 less this week.

Between ours and the one we bought Sabrina's for Christmas/Graduation (BSN May 1st) I was going to put the difference toward PSP X3. I pouted and said "so close but yet so far..." Hubby bought it for me anyway (to make up for his insane outbursts while packing probably). Between that and the computer he had to build me to replace the one he blew up, I think I finally have it all!!! I text Joanne (from Crooked Halos) a pic of me holding the X3 box outside of Best Buy. LOL This almost makes up for the 1000s of files that were lost. I did have my ALL my photos, fonts and tubes backed up before we left Simcoe, There was supposed to be more on the backup drive but unfortunately I didn't notice about half my files did not transfer. I lost all my accents and auxiliary PSP stuff.

The girls were surprised we text them a pic of the Welcome to Portage sign as we arrived. We didn't tell them we were coming. They had to wait one more day as after we found storage and unpacked the van we were worried about our ability to remain civil before getting a good nights rest.

After unpacking I found I had to use the nightstand to raise my tower for the AirSpeed in the motel to be bearable LOL it ain't no highspeed and all the windows updates on a new computer for the first time was difficult (remember we had no home Internet in Michigan).

Yesterday we bought a six slice convection toaster oven and spent yesterday afternoon baking pizza rolls with the girls and washing them down with Root beer Coolers (orange for Jordan). As soonas the girls hit the pop isle at the grocery store they reminded me of how we always used to have them. I said we still could and back I went to get the blender out of the storage locker. Luckily the rental storage is across the road from the motel we are at.

The little convection oven was a good choice, it even has a spit for rotisserie chicken (or to do a small roast) that would never get done right in a $50 microwave. Remember this is Indiana we can get a whole chicken for under $4. We'd be miserable with microwave food. If I need to nuke something there are two microwaves in the lobby (which is 1/4
the distance cutting across the parking lot and Maggie gets a free walk) I still have my electric kettle and French press for coffee.

that reminds me I NEED COFFEE!!!!!

Today I need to BUY COFFEE, start an aggressive job search and the girls want to come back this afternoon.

FATHEAD had another bi-polar rage and shut off my computer in the middle of a windows reinstall.... He can NOT focus during these incidents, he knows better than to do anything in that cmdition much less things requiring thought.

It is Shot now! Windows won't install at all and nothing he tries to fix it is working.

Hello and a blessed New year to all. We are still in Michigan working though "our issues" and your continued prayers for us and the family we are staying with are greatly appreciated. There is no high-speed where we are and cell reception is flakey so that rules out the air-speed as well. We make many trips to the library to check out emails, facebook and for a bed on Freecycle. We REALLY REALLY need a bed, lol, and the spill in the next paragraph is not helped by getting up from the floor 3x a night.




I have some pulled muscles in my hamstrings, thighs and groin as I got my foot caught in a stray piece of tupperware on the kitchen floor (don't ask... I have been cleaning up clutter for these people for 6 weeks now) and ended up doing the SPLITS which is not a pretty sight for a woman of my size. Speaking of size even with the added Christmas weight and all those cookies I finally got weighed and I am down 20# from where I was at last weigh in 6 or so years ago... Down rather than up..... I'll take it.



My computer took another dump (and it is not even online) so we are reformatting AGAIN I am thankful all my files were still on my extra HD. I really need to work on my Resume and i didn't loose those files. HOPEFULLY I didn't loose Open Office as I will need that as well. For those of you on Facebook I have pics up from my friends familys Christmas gig and our November visit with the girls. Sabrina came up Dec. 23rd to have a piece of Harley's Birthday cake (he is now 16, but has special needs and will not be driving) and brought me a Latte` mug from her L A missions trip last summer.



Maggie loves Michigan and being in the country and running loose though the snow. She also loved having all thise people around.... lol as long as they stay out of our room (which has to be passed through to get to the laundry as it is "poker" or family room and not a bedroom).... she can be quite the little protectress.



"Bow-wooooooooooowwwwwwwwwwwwwww-Whooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!"